AlaskaAlaska is one of those places that most people like in theory but wouldn’t want to permanently live in. It’s further north than where all other Americans and even most Canadians are used to. The thing is, I’ve lived here my whole life, enjoy it here, and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. My c***dhood home was in a small town (although by most standards, almost all towns in Alaska qualify as “small towns”) at the southern part of the state. The family was just me and my dad. I never knew my mother, as she died during my birth. Even though I essentially took the love of his life away from him, he responded by putting everything he could into raising me, doing what she would have wanted. I have a better relationship with my father than most, and I’m thankful for that. After eighteen years of life, I was finally ready to go to college. I got accepted to UAA and would be living on campus. After the standard tearful goodbyes I moved into my dorm. I had gotten there first, so I was unpacking my stuff when my roommate walked in. This guy looked very average: brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, fair skin, maybe a little on the short side. I tried for my friendliest smile. “Hey, roomie!” He gave a little half-smile in return. “Hello. I’m Drew.” I held out my hand. “I’m K.C.” I got that split second of confusion I always get from people who meet me. “Casey?” “No, K-period-C-period.” Casey was my real name, but I always thought it was too boring, not to mention girly. He glanced down at my hand and jumped ever so slightly. “Oh, sorry.” He reached out we shook. He seemed nervous as hell, which I found humorous because I’m not an intimidating person. I’m tall and lanky, with hair the color of straw and eyes the color of lint. I hadn’t met anybody who thought I looked threatening. “Relax, dude. I won’t bite.” “Sorry, man. I’m just a little anxious, freshman year and all.” I nodded, not wanting to say any more. We both unpacked our things and moved into the room. The dorm was small, with a bunkbed and two desks and not much else. I put in a conscious effort to be polite. I’m an only c***d and had no experience living with anyone but my Dad. Fortunately, when the initial jitters died down Drew got a little more laid back. We had gone to bed and I heard Drew’s voice come from the bunk below me. “K.C., are you awake?” “Yeah, what’s up?” There was a pause, too long to not be awkward. “I need to tell you something. I’m gay. I just wanted you to know, in case you’re not comfortable rooming with me because of that.” “Oh.” I thought about it for a moment. I hadn’t had much experience with gay people in the past. I tried to choose my words carefully. “Well…if we’re just friends and nothing else, I don’t see why that would be a problem.” I heard him let out a sigh of relief. I tried to lighten the mood. “This could be a good thing. Now we don’t have to worry about crushing on the same people.” He chuckled. “I suppose.” We didn’t say anything else to each other that night. ***** Our freshman year started and we became best friends. We studied together, joked around, and discovered that we were interested in many of the same things (anime, horror movies, et cetera). Things got comfortable between us. In October when I first told Drew that I might get lucky with a girl he was totally cool with the idea of me bringing her to the dorm, as long as he got a heads up. Things didn’t go quite that far with the girl in question, but it was nice to know for future hookups down the road. On that subject, Drew didn’t seem to have much of a love life of his own. He knew he was gay, and was open about it, he just told me he wanted to focus on his studies. I remember seeing a meme that said something along the lines of how in college, you can only hope to pick two from a social life, good grades, and getting enough sleep. That turned out to be true: neither of us were burnouts, but I had a thriving social life and mediocre grades while Drew was an A and B student who didn’t spend much time outside our room. He still had me, though. Time passed and things only changed between the two of us on a particular night in November, one that happened to be even colder than an average November night in Alaska. We had been sufficiently warned about the expected temperatures in the dorms, and we both brought what we thought was sufficient bundling, but I guess we underestimated just how cold it would get. I could hear Drew’s teeth chattering underneath me and I tried to think back to how I was able to warm up back at home. We couldn’t make a fire, a hot shower would have the opposite effect, and I didn’t have any of my dogs to snuggle up to. Wait a minute… I thought of an option. It wasn’t a normal idea, but Drew had been transparent to me in the past. I figured the worst he could do is say no, so I asked him. “Drew, are you as fucking freezing as I am?” “Uh-huh…” “I won’t be able to sleep like this. Do you think we could try sharing body heat?” His breath hitched in a strange way. “It’s nothing like that, I’m just cold. You can say no.” He pondered that for a moment. “Okay.” He climbed up and I moved over so we could both fit. It was an extra long twin bed though, so it was tight. “I’m probably going to need to hold you. Is that alright?” “I mean, as long as it’s just for warmth…” I drew him in my arms and could feel his heat against my body. He let out a happy little sigh. “You sure you okay with this, Drew?” “Shut the hell up and hold me tighter.” I complied. I felt so much better than I had a few minutes ago. Not long after, I fell asleep with my friend in my arms. ***** I really don’t know how it happened. We never said it, we never acknowledged it, but from that point on we both just accepted that we would normally sleep in the same bed. We spooned every night for the next week, even ones not nearly as cold as the one that made us cuddle up to begin with. Eventually I felt like I had to address what was happening. “Drew, I like how we keep each other warm at night, but isn’t it weird?” “Do you want it to stop?” “No, but I just want us to be on the same page. It’s weird, right? Not something friends normally do?” “I mean, I guess, but if I know it’s just for sleep and you know it’s just for sleep it doesn’t have to be anything more complicated.” I considered that. “Okay…but if we ever get uncomfortable, we need to talk about it.” “Deal.” Neither of us formed any misgivings about the arrangement, though. I was straight. Drew was gay, but not interested in me (he said so himself). It didn’t have to be anything sexual. Still, we never told anybody about it. It’s not like we swore to keep it a secret, but we both knew that it was something we were better off keeping to ourselves. When I finally did get lucky in the spring, I cuddled with that girl in my bed, and I told Drew that he had free rein to kick me out if he ever brought in a guy. Even so, I think it’s telling that even when we got the opportunity to get sufficient bedding to face the winter, we chose to just stick to what we already had going. I’m pretty sure that more than anything else we just got used to it. I stopped asking him for permission to hold him and we just saw it as the way things were. Our freshman year ended, and we both opted to room together again the following year. Even ignoring the sleeping arrangement, we were best friends. It was a no-brainer. Funny enough, the dorm we lived in our sophomore year had two separate rooms for us. Drew’s room just sort of gradually became a place we would both hang out in during the day while my room was mostly exclusive to sleep. During our sophomore year something happened that in hindsight I probably should have seen coming and taken steps to avoid: we allowed ourselves to be more tactile during the day. He’d sit in my lap while we watched movies together. We’d hug constantly, I knew that I hugged him more frequently than I would ever any of my girlfriends. It wasn’t normal, it wasn’t platonic, but like with the sleeping arrangement we just got used to it. It never got weird between the two of us. We were best friends and we trusted each other. Touch was just another thing in our relationship. By the end of our senior year we were like brothers, probably even closer. We opened up to each other and formed a bond we both appreciated greatly. We completely stopped caring about the social stigma surrounding how touchy-feely we were. I would date girls, and he would even date a few guys, but the two of us were always there for each other, just so that we could feel a person at our side. The summer after graduation we both camped for a week, and it was a given that there would only be one sleeping bag. The two of us talked about life, hiked together, made smores around the fire, and just enjoyed ourselves. The trouble happened about halfway through. We wanted to find a spot with no light pollution so we could stargaze, and we found a spot not too far from our camp site. I’m sure most people think that in Alaska, the sun rarely goes down at all during the summer, but we were far enough south that we’d get a solid 5 or 6 hours of nighttime. We let time slip away from us and let ourselves stay until the coldest part of the night. We also had had our fair share of beers over the course of the evening. We were just doing a bunch of stupid stuff at once. On our way back, Drew slipped and fell maybe seven feet down into water. As luck would have it, it was a spring, not a hot spring either. It brought water from deep underground to the surface, so it was cold. I screamed and cursed. Drew wasn’t moving. I climbed down carefully and had to fish him out of the water, thanking God that he had landed face up and was able to breathe freely. The crisp night air did little to warm him up, though. His heart was beating and I was able to get some groans out of him, so he was conscious, but I knew things would get ugly if I didn’t warm him up fast. Riding on the adrenaline, I slung him over my shoulder and worked my way back to the camp site as fast as I could. Once we returned I cursed myself for my stupidity, my lack of foresight. We hadn’t made a fire that evening, and I thought that starting another one would take too long. We didn’t bring a space heater or any electric blankets because we figured we wouldn’t need them. I was panicking, imagining that I could actually feel my friend dying on my back. I scrambled to the tent and took off all his wet clothes, which I should have done earlier but didn’t because I’m an idiot. Drew’s skin was shockingly, frighteningly cold. His entire body was shivering and his lips were tinted blue. I needed to warm him up and I needed to do it immediately. Our sleeping bag had a layer on the inside that reflected body heat back in, which worked wonders to keep us nice and toasty normally, but wouldn’t do much good now. Same thing with clothes, they only serve to orhanlı escort insulate the body, and Drew wasn’t giving off enough heat. The source of warmth had to be external. My mind scrambled, and the only heat source I could think of that was readily available was me. I shoved Drew’s naked body in the sleeping back and stripped off most of my clothes, which were cold and wet from carrying his dripping body. His flesh felt like it wasn’t even alive next to me. I wrapped as much of me around him as I could, rubbing his skin to stimulate blood flow, but it didn’t seem like enough. I don’t know what state he was actually in at the time, but at that moment I was certain that if I didn’t do something drastic, my best friend would die. I realized that I was too covered up. The t-shirt, underwear, and socks I was still wearing was providing insulation between my skin and his. Without hesitating, I took off all the rest of my clothing and pulled Drew’s naked body against mine. I tried to envelop his smaller body, get the blood flowing to warm him up. I never stopped moving, never held him any less tightly, no matter how much my skin hated the feeling of his icy touch. I didn’t think what I was doing was working, but I had no other plans, so I just kept trying harder. I don’t even know how long I lay in that sleeping bag with Drew, trying to revive him with my body heat. I’m a skinny guy, so I didn’t have much of it. Before very long I was in tears, begging him to stay with me, completely sure that my friend lay dying in my arms. After what felt like an eternity, but couldn’t have been that long because the sun was still down, Drew’s shivering had subsided and his body started to feel more like it belonged to somebody that was alive. I continued my efforts, despite how exhausted and cold I was myself. My persistence was rewarded, because around the time of the dawn, his eyes opened. “Drew!” I pulled him into a hug so tight it was likely painful as I cried, utterly wrecked by the night’s events. “K…K.C.? What’s going on? What happened?” I sobbed into his shoulder. “You fell into the water last night. I was so scared I was gonna lose you…” His eyes widened. “K.C…I’m so sorry…” I kept hugging him like he would be ripped away from me. “No, please don’t apologize. I’m just as much at fault here as you. We’re both idiots; it could’ve just as easily happened to me.” He returned the hug. “Thank you so much, man. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I cried. After my little breakdown, I was able to take a step back and look at things more clearly. “Oh, shit, we’re still naked!” I scrambled out of the sleeping bag and got us both some clothes to put on. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” We got dressed and I made a fire so we could warm up the rest of the way. There was a definite tonal shift from that point on. We acted less rashly, didn’t allow ourselves to have as much fun as we did. I didn’t care. I was just glad Drew was alive. It was the last night and the two of us were snuggling in the sleeping bag. We were both in our underwear, which was standard for us. I held Drew, so happy to feel his body warm in my arms. “Hey, Drew?” “Yeah?” “We won’t be living together anymore. We’re graduated.” “Yeah…” “I don’t know if I’d be able to function properly.” “Come on, you could survive summers without me.” I pursed my lips. “K.C., what are you thinking about?” He knew how to read me easily. “Well…I mean, just because we’re not in a dorm doesn’t mean we can’t still be roommates. We could get an apartment together.” There was a pause. “Are you sure?” he asked. “Of course I’m sure! In case recent events haven’t clued you in, I like having you around. I couldn’t think of a better choice of roommate.” He burrowed himself into my body a little bit more. “Thanks, K.C.” ***** The two of us indeed got an apartment not long after. In a couple weeks we had settled in and were able to get jobs. The apartment had two bedrooms, but just like our sophomore dorm, we still slept in the same bed every night. I had gotten so used to it at that point I couldn’t really imagine sleeping without Drew. A few months later I got in my first serious relationship, with a girl named Gwen. We dated for a few months and she spent many a night in my bed. She and Drew were cordial with each other, but I knew Drew well enough to be able to tell that he didn’t like her. Gwen was a nice girl, but Drew seemed to have to force himself to act friendly. I asked him about it and he denied everything. It got to the point where Gwen caught on as well and I tried to keep interaction between the two at a minimum. I was mostly annoyed with Drew, even after my relationship with Gwen fizzled out. Slowly, but surely, things got strained between us. We talked less and it started to feel awkward sleeping in the same bed for the first time since freshman year. Suddenly, Drew became more interested in dating than he had at any other point in his life. Even so, most of his conquests ended up being one-night stands. He spent many nights off at some random guy’s house. Things came to a head about four months after we first moved in together. We had an argument. Looking back I can’t even remember what it was about, but things got heated, with lots of shouting from both of us. Drew went to his room to cool down while I just sat in the den, fuming. A few hours later Drew emerged, seeming calmer. “K.C., I’m sorry for shouting at you like that.” I set my jaw. “I’m sorry, too.” He fidgeted a little bit. “I think I need to move out.” My eyebrows shot up. “Whoa, dude, don’t you think that’s going overboard? I forgive you.” He shook his head. “No, it’s not about us fighting. I…” I folded my arms. “Spit it out.” He wouldn’t look me in the eye. “I’m in love with you.” Suddenly it felt like somebody hit me with a brick. “Excuse me?” “I’ve been in love with you for a while now, but I knew the feelings were unrequited. That’s why I kept it secret.” I had no idea how I was supposed to respond. Thankfully he kept talking. “I thought I could still live with you the way we had for years now, but it’s not working. I hated Gwen because I was jealous of her. Being so close to you all the time is making things worse.” “I…I don’t know what to say…” “You don’t have to say anything. It’s not like it’s your fault. I like being your friend, but it would be better for the both of us if we didn’t live together. I’m gonna start looking for my own place.” He moved out to live in a studio apartment a few weeks later. I wasn’t happy about it, but the rational part of me knew it was for the best. He had feelings for me that I couldn’t return. The proximity we were in served as a reminder of how deep in the friend zone he was with me. We really did try to stay friends, texting and meeting up occasionally, but we inevitably drifted apart over time. He moved out in early October, and by Christmastime, I hadn’t heard from him in weeks. I went home to my dad’s house for the holidays. He knew about my situation with Drew, except I never told him about how we always shared a bed, nor did I tell him about the accident when we were camping. He could tell that something was bothering me, but didn’t pry, instead just demonstrating that he was there for me in case I wanted to talk. On the night before Christmas Eve, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night, but never got comfortable. The heat was on and I had a dog in my bed with me, but for some reason I couldn’t quite get warm. It took until 4 AM for me to finally admit what the problem was. I missed Drew. I missed him so much more than I was able to admit to anyone, even myself. Once that fact sank in, I started looking back to how our relationship had been. The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I became with myself. How could I have been so blind? I should have been able to figure it out. He was my best friend, and I couldn’t see what I was doing to him. Him sharing a bed with me had to be torture. He was so intimate with me, but still so far away from the intimacy that he truly wanted. Every time he saw Gwen he was harshly reminded that I didn’t feel about him the way he did about me. To my utter horror, I started to recall hints he had tried dropping that I brushed off. As they were happening, I ignored them, thinking they were nothing. If I was being honest with myself, I think it was more likely that I purposely overlooked the signs because I liked the way things between us already were. I started crying. I had used him, toyed with his emotions like he was nothing. I may not have been fully aware of it, but I had been a terrible friend. The problem was, I didn’t know what I could do that would fix things. I swallowed my pride and went to my father. I told him everything, including all the things I had previously kept secret. I was in tears by the end of it. He hugged me firmly and let me cry it out. “K.C., I didn’t know things were this bad.” “There’s no way you could have. I kept this all from you.” We sat in silence for a few minutes. “Dad…I need help. I need to make things right with Drew and I don’t know how.” He paused. “Dad?” “Son, can I be blunt with you.” “Uh, yes?” He took a deep breath. “Okay, I may be off about this, but I’m starting to suspect that there’s something else you’re not telling me.” Now I was confused. “There isn’t. Why would you think that?” “Well…alright, I’ll just say it. The way you talk about Drew, the relationship you boys formed, the way you’re falling to pieces now…all signs point to you being in love with him, too.” I blinked. Did I just hear him right? “I…what?” “I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure you love him back.” I thought about our relationship and what he meant to me. He seemed like more than a best friend. I could open up emotionally to him, show vulnerability that I wouldn’t show to anybody else. He probably knew me better than I knew myself. I missed him being in my life so much it was like a constant ache. I didn’t just miss his voice and his presence, though. I missed holding him. I missed falling asleep with him, waking up with him next to me. That one night when we were camping was one of the most traumatic things I’d ever been through. The thought of losing Drew was completely unfathomable. It was one of the happiest moments of my life to see him finally wake up. I looked in my heart, and saw the truth. Dad was right. I was in love with Drew. I started crying again. How could I possibly be so stupid? I was so selfish, so attached to the relationship we had formed that I didn’t just ignore his emotions, I even lied to myself about my own feelings. At that moment I hated myself more than I ever had before. “D-Dad,” I sobbed, shaking. “Y-you’re right. Why didn’t I kn-know that? Why d-didn’t I know that s-sooner?” I wailed, fully broken down. He did what he could to comfort me. I sniffled. “Wh-what do I d-do?” He aydınlı escort pursed his lips. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you that, son. Matters of the heart are ones that the heart’s owner needs to handle.” “H-how am I s-supposed to know?” He pulled me closer. “Look in your heart, K.C. What is the one thing you want to do the most in the entire world right now?” I tried the best I could to do what he asked. “I…I want to g-go to Drew. I want to t-tell him I’m sorry.” He smiled warmly. “Then go to him.” My eyes widened. “Right now?” “Right this second. This house isn’t where you’re supposed to be at the moment. If you need to go to Drew, I won’t stop you.” “But…but Christmas—” “Why are you still hesitating? Christmas doesn’t mean shit to me if my son is this sad.” I felt more tears. “Thank you so much, Dad.” He gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Moments like this are why I do what I do. If I can help you be happy, I’m happy. Now go.” That’s exactly what I did. I knew where Drew’s new apartment was, and did the entire 6-hour drive through the dark and snow to get there as fast as possible. I tried to prepare myself for what I would say to him, especially given the atomic bomb of a fact that I had fallen head over heels for the guy. I was terrified that if I just opened up with that, he wouldn’t believe me. It would come off as me using him even more, but now as a fuck-buddy or backup partner until something better came along. I wanted him forever, but I had already spent way too much time thinking only of my feelings. I knew that I had to fully apologize first, and then, only if he forgave me and still loved me after it all, would I beg him to give me another chance, this time as a lover instead of a friend. What if he couldn’t forgive me? What then? If that happened, I would lose not only my best friend, but also the love of my life. Would I be able to handle that? No! I told myself. You’re being selfish again! I was right. I was starting to back away from laying everything out because I was scared it would lead to an outcome I didn’t like. Once again, I was thinking only of myself and nothing of Drew. I strengthened my will. I promised, swore to God above, that even if it killed me, I would do what was best for him. For both of us. After an eternity, I got to Drew’s apartment. It was cold, dark, and snowing, 6 PM on Christmas Eve. I must have spent two minutes in the hallway, trying to gather all my courage. At long last, I rang the doorbell. He answered the door, his eyes widening as he saw me. “K.C.? What are you doing here?” I felt those damn tears again. “Drew…I came to apologize. I have been an absolute piece of shit to you. I’m so sorry.” His eyes widened even more. “No, if anything—” “Don’t you dare apologize to me!” I snapped. “I saw all those hints you dropped and ignored them! I showed off my girlfriend and then got mad at you for feeling sad about it! I’ve been so terrible that you had to move away!” I fell to my knees. “I’m so sorry, Drew. I’m such a bad friend.” “K.C., you didn’t do anything wr—” “That’s a crock of shit and you know it!” I cried. “I don’t want you to just look past all of this, that would make me feel even worse! You’re the kindest person I know, and I hurt you. All I can ask for, all I want, is you to forgive me.” He put a hand over his mouth. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m sorry.” I could see his eyes get shiny as well. “K.C…I forgive you.” I looked up incredulously. “Really?” “Of course. It’s not like you’re the only one at fault here. I continued being so close to you even though I had feelings that you couldn’t return. I acted like a brat. Do you think you could forgive me?” I didn’t hesitate. “I forgive you, Drew.” For the first time in what felt like forever, we hugged. It felt so perfect. He grinned a little when we pulled back. “You were right that time at camp. We’re both idiots.” I laughed lightly. “We deserve each other.” I looked at the apartment behind him. “Are you spending Christmas alone?” He nodded. “I don’t have a boyfriend, and you went home for Christmas.” Everything was perfectly set up. The only thing left stopping me was my fear. I gently cupped his cheeks in my hands, something I had never done. He raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?” I prayed for strength. “I’m so much more of an idiot than you are. Not only was I so dumb I couldn’t see that you loved me, I was so stupid that I was somehow able to not realize that I…I love you, too. Not just as a friend. I’m in love with you.” He put his hand over his mouth again. “You…what?” “I missed you so much. I missed your touch, your presence. My bed feels so cold and empty without you.” A tear fell from his eye. “I…” “If you forgive me, if you still love me after everything that’s happened, I want a second chance. I want to be your boyfriend.” More tears fell. “Really?” “Absolutely. I love you more than anything. I want nothing more than to kiss you right now.” He gave me the weakest, shakiest smile. “Well, if that’s the case…what are you waiting for?” I needed to be sure. “I’m waiting for you. Do you still want me?” The smile got a little stronger. “Of course I do. Now shut the hell up and kiss me.” I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. Electricity flowed through my entire body. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was actually glowing with happiness. His lips were more perfect than I ever knew possible. I applied more pressure and his mouth opened, inviting me in. I lost control, pushing forward with my tongue and giving it all I had. He returned the kiss with just as much energy. He held my face just like I held his and we made out for so long we only pulled away to breathe. “I love you, Drew!” “I love you, K.C.!” We kissed again, now letting our hands wander. Like we could simply sense what the other wanted, we both started walking the bed, still not breaking the kiss. We made out laying down, probably for about ten uninterrupted minutes. At long last we were able to calm ourselves. I held him right up against me, so close our noses touched. I knew that I never wanted to let him go again. “Please, Drew. Live with me again. I need you.” He nuzzled our noses together. “If that’s what you want, I’ll pack my shit and move back in with you right now.” I shook my head. “No, I want to stay here with you tonight.” He brushed his lips against mine. “So do I.” We cuddled and kissed on his bed some more. “You know,” he told me. “The night is still young, and it is Christmas Eve. Do you wanna do something with me?” I nuzzled his neck. “To be perfectly honest, I want to do absolutely nothing, as long as you’re doing nothing right next to me.” I was reminded of a song I liked when I said that. “Drew, if I lay here, would you lay with me and just forget the world?” He recognized the song lyric and laughed. “I’ll try, but I don’t know if I could. How can I forget the world when my whole world is right here beside me?” I kissed him again. For hours we just laid in his bed, not saying much. We didn’t need anything except for each other. Eventually I broke the silence to ask him a question. “When did you first realize you loved me?” He smiled. “I’m pretty sure it was when you saved my life last summer. That was the point when I realized that I saw you as more than a friend.” I nodded. “I’m starting to think I fell for you around that time, too, even if I wasn’t aware of it.” He looked me dead in the eye. “What’s up?” “Look, K.C., I’m happy that you love me back. You being here in my bed is the greatest Christmas present possible, but…I thought you were straight.” Huh. I never actually looked at things like that before. “Well…I have been straight my whole life. I had only ever been attracted to girls. I don’t really feel any different now. I’d say I’m bi-curious, but that would imply that I’m not sure. I’m sure that I love you. I’ve never been more sure than anything.” He kissed me. “You don’t have to put a label on it. You can still see yourself as mostly straight.” “Well, okay then. I guess I’m almost completely straight, except for the fact that I love you.” He grinned. “That’s good enough for me.” The night got to a point where it was time for us to go to sleep. “I’m genuinely excited about this,” I told him. “I haven’t slept well ever since you moved out.” He smiled. “Well now you have me. Forever, if you want.” I kissed him. God, I couldn’t stop! “K.C.?” “Yes, love?” “I think the first sign of me liking you as more than a friend was that when I woke up in that sleeping bag and figured out we were both naked, I really liked the idea.” “Well, I don’t see any reason why we can’t do that again.” We both stripped nude. We’d seen each other naked before, but now I was seeing him in a different way. His body was soft in shape. He was so cute, but when I looked at his face he was so sexy. He had a perfectly respectable dick. Unlike me, he was uncut. His member was a little shorter than mine, but as far as I was concerned it was a work of art. We got under the bed and I pulled him close. His skin touched mine and I knew that I was right where I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I felt myself harden. Before then, it was always awkward when I got an erection as the two of us slept together. It was one of those things we had to learn to ignore. I didn’t have much control over it, but now I knew exactly why I was hard, and I liked it.My cock was probably poking him, though, so I adjusted myself. I moved it so that it was resting in the crevice of his ass. “A perfect fit,” I told him. “We’ve always been a perfect fit, K.C. That was just the last piece of the puzzle.” I kissed the nape of his neck. “Goodnight, my love.” Within seconds I was asleep with my boyfriend in my arms. ***** We told our loved ones the news the following day and he had moved back in my apartment by New Years. It’s almost embarrassing how much joy it gave me to see Drew Sanders next to Casey Green on the forms for lease. The two of us continued our lives and jobs. Around a week into January I needed to talk with Drew. I knew better than to not say what was on my mind. We were cuddling nude that night when I asked the question. “Drew, when do you want us to have sex?” He pulled his head out from my chest. “Well, I’m down whenever, but you’re the 99% straight guy, so I wanted you to set the pace. There’s no rush. I like what we have going.” I kissed him. “I love you so much, but you have experience in gay sex and I don’t. I want to be the best lover you’ve ever had.” “You already are, K.C.” We lay in our bed for a little longer. “I want us to be lovers. I want us to be as close as two people can get. But maybe we should take it slow.” He nuzzled my chest. “I’ve known you for almost five years. I can wait.” I tilted his face up towards me. “I want to start now.” He nodded, and I worked my way downwards, kissing his body until my chin touched the head of tuzla escort bayan his cock. “Do whatever feels right, love.” I tentatively licked the head of his dick. It tasted salty, and there was another flavor I couldn’t pin down. I licked him all over. I liked the taste more and more as I continued, and I finally realized what it was. I was tasting Drew, and he was delicious. I swirled my tongue around the head and under his foreskin. When I did he moaned and bucked his hips a little. Suddenly my tongue didn’t feel like it was enough. I needed more of him in my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his manhood and started bobbing up and down. “Oh, K.C., that feels nice…you’re a natural…” It wasn’t good enough, the angle was wrong. I adjusted my position, getting lower down so it went deeper. “FUCK!” I smiled. Still, I couldn’t get all of him. I got off the bed and approached it at a more extreme angle. I pushed forward and he slid right down my throat. He nearly jumped off the bed. I gagged and pulled away to cough a bit. “Sorry about that,” I told him. “What in the world could you possibly be apologizing for? Just keep going.” I tried again, forcing my throat to relax. After some practice, I could feel him glide in and out of me. It felt wonderful. He moaned. “I’m getting close.” I increased my speed until he came, his release flooding my mouth. Just like his cock, his semen was delicious. I gulped it down gladly. I got back up and held him. He was panting. “Shit…K.C., are you sure you haven’t blown a guy before?” “Never even dreamed of it before you.” “So what, are you a sword swallower? Because you can deep throat like a pro.” I blushed. “I guess I’m just eager to please.” He laughed. “Well now I need to return the favor. I can’t have a rookie show up a seasoned vet such as myself.” He adjusted his position and marveled at my dick, which was fully erect at that point, dripping pre-come. “Ooh, so eager already.” He attacked my penis with gusto. There was none of the slow exploration of my blowjob, he knew what he wanted and went full throttle. It felt like my cock was an instrument and he was playing it perfectly. “Oh, shit…that’s so fucking good…” He could take me down his throat, but also used his teeth and tongue and lips in ways I would never have thought of. I was ready to blow in three minutes, but to my horror he pulled off. “Am I the master?” he asked me. “Yes, Drew, you’re the master!” “Is this mine now?” “Yes! Please! I’m all yours, just let me come!” He smiled. He took me all the way and swallowed around the head until I shot in his mouth. It was the most intense orgasm I ever had. He got back up to me and nuzzled my neck until I calmed down. “You’re mine, K.C., and I want you all for myself.” He kissed me. “But I’m also yours.” I kissed my boyfriend and murmured into his mouth. “That’s exactly how I want it.” ***** The two of us decided to go all the way a few weeks later. He said that he liked both topping and bottoming, and I had no clue what my preference was, so we just settled on doing both that night. After we were each clean, primed, and ready for action, we got on our bed. Drew kissed me. “What do you want to do first?” I thought about it. “I’ll make love to you first.” He handed me the lube. We both got tested recently. I told him that I trusted him and believed him when he said he had no STIs, but he did it anyway, so I took the tests as well out of courtesy. We were both clean. There wouldn’t be any condoms that night. I followed his instructions and put lube in his hole, loving how slick and tight it felt around my fingers. “What position would you like, love?” “Missionary,” he said. “I want to see you.” I got him on his back and he pulled up his legs. “I love you, Drew.” “I love you, too.” Not breaking eye contact, I pushed forward until I was inside. Gently, carefully, I inched my way in until I bottomed out. I kissed my lover deeply. I started moving, slow and sensual. I wanted him to feel my love in every stroke, every kiss. He felt incredible, hot and tight and absolutely perfect. “Oh, K.C., that’s it right there…just keep doing that…” I went a little bit faster, but no less passionately. His eyes shot open. “Oh, fuck! Oh, I love you so much!” I made love to Drew for as long as I could, but eventually I could feel myself reaching the edge, and he could sense it. “Come inside me. Don’t hold back, I want to feel it.” I sped up, going faster and faster until I came so hard I think my heart stopped. The pulsing of my release and my seed flowing into him was enough to topple him over the edge and he came not long after. I stayed planted inside of him, holding him as I tried to catch my breath. “K.C.?” “Yeah?” “That was the best I’ve ever had. I’ve been fucked before, but you’re the first person to make love to me. Thank you so much.”I kissed him. “It’s my pleasure.” We uncoupled and relaxed for a few moments. I was embarrassed, but needed to tell him something before we continued. “Drew?” “Yeah?” “I, uh…I think I want it a little differently than what we just did.” He raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? How so?” I could feel my face redden. “I…well, when you go down on me, I kind of like the power you have over me. It feels like you’re the one in control, and I like that. Do you…do you think we could do something like that here?” He blinked. “So you want me to be the dominant one?” “I mean…I guess, if you’re okay with it.” He grabbed my chin and made me face him. “Look at me. You need to be sure. Do you want me to dominate you?” More blood went to my face, but I knew better than to be anything but honest. “I want you to dominate me. I want it fast and rough. I want to give you control.” He kissed me, and I made myself submit. He owned the kiss, and his tongue ravished me. “Alright then, but if you want me to stop, tell me.” I nodded. “I trust you.” He readied me for penetration the way I prepared him. Once he was done he cupped my face. “You don’t need to do anything, baby. Give me control and let me take care of you. Is that what you want?” I nodded. He kissed me, now much more aggressively. “Good. Now get on your hands and knees.” I obeyed. I could feel his cock resting against my hole. “You want me to fuck you? Nod if you want me to make you mine.” I nodded desperately. He pushed in, much quicker than I pushed into him. It burned, and I felt like I was getting impaled. There was the oddest kind of full feeling, too. He continued, and he hit my prostate. “AH—” I cut myself off, biting my tongue. “There’s no need to hold back, K.C. I want to hear everything. I want to hear how much you love being mine.” He was all the way in now. “Here we go.” He pulled out and pushed back in, starting faster and accelerating more than I did. It hurt, but it also felt amazing. I felt myself submit to him, give him complete control over my pleasure. I started moaning, gasping. I completely lost all concept of time. All there was and all there would be was him fucking me. A bit later, he got even faster, pounding into me so hard the bed shook. I felt my eyes roll up into my head. My entire body was his. I could feel the orgasm he was giving me approach. I shot, and he continued fucking me at the pace he was. I was a complete mess now. I lost control of the sounds coming out of my mouth. It wasn’t much longer before I came a second time. “Wow,” he marveled. “You’re into this, aren’t you?” I was so far gone I couldn’t even nod. I didn’t even think it was possible, but he started going even harder. Have you ever seen an anime where a character is so tired or startled their soul floats out of their mouth? That’s what I imagine I looked like. “I’m coming,” he said. “Get ready.” He shot, and the force of his orgasm was enough to push me into my fourth release that night. I saw stars and I spurted on the bed and he unloaded inside me. It was bliss I wasn’t expecting. It made me scream. My arms were shaking when it was over and when he pulled out, I collapsed. He held me in his arms, carding his fingers through my hair for a few minutes. “Are you okay, baby?” I blinked a few times. “I’m great, just a little frazzled.” He petted me more as I regained my composure. “So,” he asked. “Which did you like more?” I thought about it. “I really liked them both.” He kissed me. “Same here, so we can just be versatile together. If we want it slow and loving you’ll top and if we want it rough I’ll top. Everyone wins.” I smiled. “That sounds wonderful, but I don’t know how often I’ll be able to take it that rough.” He laughed. I was exhausted as we got ready for bed and it showed. “That was intense, K.C.” Drew said. “I’ll hold you tonight.” I was bigger than him, so that arrangement didn’t happen very often, but that night I was in the mood to be held. I could feel my eyelids droop the moment I was in his arms. He kissed the crown of my head. “Sleep, love. I’ve got you.” I fell into oblivion. ***** The two of us continued our partnership, and it was by a landslide some of the best weeks of my life. The intimacy and love was incredible and the sex just kept getting better. On Valentine’s Day we went out to eat and had a great time with each other. It was cold, really cold, it was Alaska, after all, but I always felt warm on the inside when he was with me. We got home, and I knew that the time was right. I kissed Drew. “I love you. So much.” He smiled. “I love you, too.” I shook my head. “No, it’s more than that. I didn’t think I could love anything as much as I love you. I have no clue how I lived without you.” His brow furrowed. “I want things to be like this forever. Is that what you want?” He nodded, still wondering what was going on. “Yes…” “Well, if I want that, and you want that, then this doesn’t have to be any more complicated.” I got on one knee and pulled a little box out of my jacket pocket. His hand went to his mouth like it always did when he was surprised. “Drew, you’re my best friend, and now you’re my boyfriend, too, but I don’t think that’s enough. When I said I wanted us to be as close as two people could get I meant it. I don’t want anybody else.” His eyes got shiny. I opened the box, revealing a golden ring. “I love you. Drew Sanders, will you marry me?” He burst into tears. “Yes! Of course I’ll marry you!” The two of us kissed. At that moment, a meteor could have fallen and I wouldn’t have noticed. All that existed was me, Drew, and the love we had for each other. That night, we had sex both ways. I made love to Drew, and he fucked me into the mattress. We lay on the bed, basking in the afterglow. “You know, K.C., I’m glad we live in Alaska.” “Oh really? Why is that?” “There aren’t that many places where you need to cuddle for warmth. If it didn’t get so damn cold that one night back in freshman year, we might not be where we are now.” I smiled. “That might be true.” I pulled him close and cupped his cheeks in my hands. “You don’t have to worry about that ever again. I’ll always be here to keep you warm.” I kissed him, trying to pour all the love I could muster into it. “I love you, Drew.” “I love you, K.C.” We kissed one more time before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.