About a month ago my fiancée came to me with a guilt ridden look in her eye. Apparently she just couldn’t marry me without first laying herself bare.
The following account is a true story as she told it to me. The names have been changed to protect identities, but the events and characters are as factual as I could get without actually being there.
For the purposes of this story, my name is Adam Hicks and my fiancée is Jessica Chapel. Her little brother (and my best friend) was Christopher Chapel.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, frankly, I don’t quite know how to handle it. I had always been aware that there were family secrets, but I never expected this. Somehow it has managed to get me questioning everything I thought I believed.
So, basically I decided to just put it to paper and let it get lost on the Internet. Maybe then I wont have to deal with it anymore.
I stepped off the train and was shocked to find my older brother Robert standing on the platform with a bandage across his nose and two big, black eyes.
I practically leapt into my brother’s arms. “Oh baby, what happened to you?”
“Something happened while you were away. I think its best if mum tells you the details.” He sounded uncharacteristically serious.
At twenty two years old he was two years my senior, but he acted like a child half the time. When he wasn’t joking around and bugging me he was out with his friends either getting drunk, or laid and sometimes both at the same time.
He was quite the looker too. He had inherited our father’s chiselled jawline, silky brown hair and strong masculine body and he kept it in shape by dodging work and spending his days down at the gym. I should have been a tad bitter about it, being that both myself and my younger sibling Christopher, were out every hour god sent trying to scrape a life together while our lazy older brother spent his days buffing up and getting laid, but in honesty I loved his toned, muscular body. It was a real turn on to be smothered in my brother’s big, strong arms, and obviously our mother agreed with me.
I jumped into the front seat of the car next to my mother and leant over for a kiss as Robert piled into the back.
“Mum, what’s going on? Robert said you had something to tell me.”
“All in good time dear. How was university?”
“Fine. Mum, I’m getting worried here. Why is Robert’s nose broken?”
My mother looked almost as somber as Robert and she sighed and put the handbrake back on.
“Christopher found out about us. He came home early from work and found your brother and I in bed, making love.”
“Oh my god… I… how did he take it?”
“Do you really need to ask?” Came the sarcastic response from the back seat.
“I never thought I’d be frightened of my own child, but Chris hit the roof. I thought he was going to kill us.”
I huffed angrily “Who the hell does he think he is? It’s not like he’s the man of the house.”
“Don’t be too hard on your brother honey. It must have been a shock.”
“Well what did dad say about all this?”
“Your father hasn’t said much of anything. Christopher doesn’t know that your father knows, and I think your father is worried that he might be a disappointment to him.”
“Well he’s going to have to talk to him sometime. The atmosphere at home must be awful.”
“Your brother no longer lives at home Jess.”
“He moved out? How selfish can you get?”
“Jess, he’s in shock. Please don’t be angry at him, its not his fault. Look we’ll talk about this later. Right now we need to get you home. You must be exhausted.”
The rest of the car journey was pretty sedate. Robert and I spoke of university life and my current boyfriend while mum stayed pretty quiet, her mind obviously on more important things.
This must all be rather confusing for you, so maybe I should clarify a few things.
Well, my name is Jessica, I am twenty years old, five foot eight with green eyes and shoulder length blonde-brown hair. While I am no supermodel, I do at least keep myself in shape. I wont win any awards for my firm abs, but my skin is smooth and my stomach is flat. My best features are either my shapely legs, which I’ll admit I’ve worked rather hard on, or my 26c breasts. Although they aren’t busting through my top, they fit my figure well and at least have a nice rounded shape to them. I’ve always been proud of my tits, especially since my older brother Robert cant get enough of them.
That must sound rather strange, even sick to an outsider, but just as your family has secrets, so does mine. I live in a four bedroom house in a suburb outside London, England with my two brothers Christopher and Robert and my parents Mike and Jill.
About two years ago, when I turned 18, my older brother and I discovered each other, sexually. We had experimented together when we were younger, and mum and dad knew of this, but at the time it was just simple curiosity and bahis firmaları nothing more. Now things were different. We had discovered a new bond and we loved each other now more than ever.
Our parent’s were most approving of the situation… possibly more than they should have been. My mother had experimented with her brother when she was our age, and they still sometimes ‘enjoyed one-another’ on the rare occasions that they got together. It wasn’t until about five years into their marriage that my father discovered the two of them making love on the deck in the back garden. Once the initial shock had passed and tempers had died away, he admitted to my mother that deep down, some part of him actually enjoyed the show and although he had never seen himself as the perverted type, he would like to see them in action again one day. My mother was overjoyed and our uncle Ted seemed pretty happy with the situation too. Since then the three have become far closer, as friends and lovers.
In the last two years things have just been a total whirlwind of self-discovery as I found joy in our father’s bed and Robert in our mother’s. We don’t normally go looking for sex with each other, but sometimes things become a little heated, and we’ve given up on holding back.
In truth, I was seriously looking forward to the summer holidays, so I could spend some quality time with the family I had grown so fond of over the past two years. It wasn’t just the sex, it just so happened that the sex was an added bonus.
But now all this had happened, and my summer was ruined before it had even started.
Christopher was very much a loner, and never really fitted in with the family. Even as kids, while me and Robert were playing together Chris would go off on his own somewhere and do god only knows what else.
Since I had discovered Robert, I desperately wanted to get closer to Chris. He was the baby of the family at eighteen years old, but at the same time probably the most fiercely independent. At fourteen he was diagnosed with clinical depression, and we soon found out that he had been self-harming. At that moment I suddenly understood why he had been so aloof as a child and felt great pangs of guilt for not spotting the symptoms sooner. After that I tried to be a little more understanding about his rejection of the family, but it wasn’t easy.
Despite his disorder, Christopher was a very strong individual, both physically and emotionally. He never asked for help with anything. In truth, this was also his greatest floor, as he tended to take the view that if he failed, then he didn’t deserve to succeed. His self-esteem was rock bottom for a good many years, and it was only recently that he had begun getting his life back on track after a series of counselling sessions.
Like I said, I really did want to get closer to him. Maybe experience some of the closeness I had enjoyed with Robert. Of all the family, including cousins aunts and uncles, Christopher was the only one who knew nothing of the family secret and also the only one who had never felt the overwhelming ecstacy that ones own flesh and blood could offer with the merest touch.
In a way it felt like a betrayal, and this only made me want him all the more. Every time I looked at him after I had been with Robert, I felt those familiar pangs of guilt I had experienced when we found out about his mental illness and all I wanted to do was hold him close and love him.
I had been dropping little hints for quite a while. When we hugged I lingered maybe a little longer than I should have. Occasionally holding his hand and burying my face in his chest during the scary parts of a movie, even when I wasn’t scared. Often I would make sure that he was home when I took a shower, and I’d walk around in the smallest avaliable towel hoping that he’d notice his older sister. One time I even masturbated with my bedroom door open when it was just him and me in the house. I got a bit carried away and became rather vocal, so in theory he should have noticed, but he never said anything if he did. Thinking that my little brother might catch me in the act was almost as hot as actually doing it with my older brother. I think I came harder that night than I ever did before.
Maybe that last one was a little slutty, but I was desperate. Anyway, mum noticed my flirting and advised me to back off.
“He’s probably not ready.” She advised. “Maybe he never will be. I’d love my baby to be part of this as much as you would honey, but maybe he’s just not into that.”
I have to admit, that hurt a little. He had spent his childhood rejecting me as a sister and now he was rejecting me as a woman. In a way it became somewhat of an obsession. I really, really did want to feel him in ways usually reserved for lovers. But then I went off to uni and my passion died down a little, which was probably for the best.
Now Christopher knew about our family secret. He didn’t know the full extent of it, and he didn’t know about me and Robert, in a way I was thankful for that. kaçak iddaa I couldn’t bare the thought of my little brother thinking less of me… maybe his opinion means more to me than I at first thought.
Initially I was greatly angered at his reaction to Robert and mum’s love making. But I think this was misdirected and was more about our betrayal than his lack of understanding.
He must have been so hurt and confused right now. I had to see him.
We pulled into the driveway just as the sun was setting and immediately I jumped out of the car and ran to hug my father, who was waiting at the front door. It felt good to have that physical contact again.
As soon as I was able, I dumped my bag in my room, picked up the phone and dialled Adam’s number.
Adam was Christopher’s best friend, they had known each other since way before they could even remember meeting. Adam was a real sweetie and a natural charmer. Upbeat and bubbly he was absolutely nothing like my younger brother. I very much approved of my brother’s choice of best friend, so much so that we even had a bit of a fling in junior school. I guess you could say Adam was my first love. It didn’t work out though. It just seemed like the whole relationship was a little too close to home for it to work… which is funny now that I think about it.
“Adam, hi. Its Jess.”
“Oh hey Jess, hows uni?”
“Oh fine, fine. No complaints. I’m home for the summer now. Actually I was looking for Chris, is he there?”
“Uh… yes. But I’m under strict instructions to take messages from family. I’m sorry sweets, but he’s being his usual stubborn self.”
“Oh… did he tell you why he left?”
“Hasn’t said a word. You know what he’s like. He wouldn’t speak his mind if his life depended on it… I don’t suppose you would care to elaborate?”
“I’m sorry Adam, I don’t think I can. Are you sure he wont come to the phone at all?”
Adam sighed, “I’ll check.”
The line was silent for what seemed like an age and I crossed my fingers.
“I’m sorry Jess, he just wont go for it.”
“Oh, I see… well can you give him a message?”
“Just tell him that I don’t know why he left, but I hope it isn’t something I have done and that I’m worried about him.”
That was a complete lie, obviously, but maybe I could guilt trip him into returning my call… just then I felt like more of a betrayer than ever before. I just had to convince myself that it was for the best. And now that the secret is out, maybe he would warm to the idea as dad had with mum and uncle Ted… although perhaps that was too much to hope for.
Adam and I said our goodbyes and hung up and I took a few minutes to let the situation sink in.
Even though Christopher kept to himself, the whole house seemed a lot quieter without him there… more subdued, if you will. For a start the sexual tension that was there between him and me was lifted and although this seemed like light relief, I began to miss it fairly quickly.
I missed the excitement of knowing that he could have been just in the next room while I played with myself. That one day he might forget to lock the door and I’d walk in on him in the shower. Actually, that was one of my favoured fantasies. Sometimes I’d even think of that one while I was with Robert. Robert knew of this as I had once blurted out Christopher’s name while we were enjoying each other and he tickled me till I confessed. Far from being insulted, he was actually turned on by the idea. His little sister was a slut and he loved it. Honestly? I kinda liked him thinking of me that way as well.
Just as I was reliving the fantasy of my little brother in the shower, and about to touch myself in accordance, my mother burst into the room. “Get changed, your father’s treating us to a meal at that Italian place… what are you doing?”
“Well save ‘nothing’ for later. We’re leaving in half an hour… and Robert has missed you, so you may want to leave that tension where it is for now. Just a little friendly advice hun.” And with that, she grinned slyly.
My mother is such a pervert.
The candle-lit meal was accompanied by live music and plenty of wine and the whole thing was rather romantic. Although myself, Robert and our parents had this special relationship, we never really considered ourselves ‘romantically involved’ before and it felt a little weird. If I didn’t know better, I’d say our parents were getting turned on by the thought of them seducing their own children.
Dad was especially flirtatious, with both mum and me. Mum was egging him on, relishing the prospect of watching her husband fucking her sweet little daughter when we got home.
Like I said, it was a little weird, especially as I had been away from home. It was going to take a little adjustment to get back in the mind set required for making love to your own father, but I enjoyed the challenge, and was at least a little turned on.
By kaçak bahis half way through the evening, the wine was really flowing and I was playing footsie with Robert under the table. Mum knew what was going on, but said nothing and instead spent the night giving me knowing looks. For some reason I got the feeling she was also touching her son under the table as Robert suddenly had this flushed look on his face. After a while it had become a little competition, with both mum and myself competing to see who could get my brother the most turned on. Dad just carried on chatting, completely oblivious to the situation.
Suddenly my mobile phone began to ring. I picked it up and saw Adam’s number on the screen.
“I have to take this.” Immediately I got up and headed outside. Robert seemed most disappointed.
“Hi… its me.” Christopher’s voice seemed shy and distant.
“Little bro! How are you? I’ve been really worried.”
“I’m fine. I just rang to let you know that its nothing you’ve done. I’ve just had a disagreement with Rob and need some time alone.”
“Well, thats a relief, I guess. When are you coming home? I miss you.”
“I uh… don’t think I will be coming home.”
My heart sank, “But why? What did Robert do that was so bad?”
“I can’t tell you Jess. Its not my place to say and you probably won’t thank me for it. Lets just say that its something that I don’t think can be fixed. I’m sorry.”
“No, that’s not good enough. Don’t shut me out Chris, its not fair. I haven’t done anything wrong!” Yet another lie. I was getting far too good at this.
“Jess, don’t. Please. You don’t want to know what’s been going on. Believe me, I’m doing you a favour by keeping it to myself.”
“Why do you always have to stand alone? Its not fair on us. We care about you…”
“Really? I’m not so sure.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing… it doesn’t mean anything…”
There was a moment of silence on both ends of the line and the air was thick with tension. The cool wind outside the restaurant had suddenly picked up and felt strangely cold, despite it being the height of Summer.
Then out of the blue Christopher suddenly crumbled as if detecting my sincere tone. “Look, do you want to meet up and talk or something?”
“I’d like that. When and where?”
“I’m working the night shift tonight. I get off about ten-ish tomorrow morning… meet me in the park about half ten.”
“Ok…” I spoke with a voice that was barely a whisper.
“Please try not to worry Jess. I’m fine… really.” Although his tone was reassuring, he wasn’t fooling anyone and I found myself wondering what his body language was saying on the other end of the phone.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
I picked myself up and went back inside the restaurant, trying my hardest to look positive. The last thing mum needed was me being miserable at a time like this.
“Who was that hun?” Mum spoke with a smirk and I could tell she was still fondling Robert under the table. He just sat there with a stupid smile on his face.
“That was Christopher. I’m meeting him tomorrow.”
“Oh that’s great!” Mum stopped rubbing my brother – much to his annoyance – and suddenly got a gleam in her eye, “I suppose he still doesn’t want to see me, so I’m going to give you a little list of things to ask him on my behalf…”
“Mum, I’ve only barely got his trust. I don’t want to jinx anything.”
Mum ignored my protests and continued to reel off a checklist “… Your father will give you some money to give to him. He probably won’t accept it at first, but don’t take no for an answer.
Also, ask him if he’s eating properly… and make sure he’s not working too hard… and ask him if he’s still taking his medication…”
“Nothing.” I sighed.
It somehow seemed odd to me that even though she was sleeping with one son, and obviously found the other sexually attractive, that our mother’s maternal instincts were still strong for both. I couldn’t even begin to fathom the personal conflicts she must have been experiencing. I bet Sigmund Freud would have loved to wrap his warped little mind around that one.
I had to admit though, that my love for my little brother wasn’t all sisterly, nor was it all sexual. A part of me just wanted to scoop him up and mother him, just as my own mother would. He didn’t need to be mothered, being that he was already so independent, but he did have a fragility about him that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, and this made me want him all the more.
The rest of the meal proceeded smoothly and mum was in a far better mood than she had been just half an hour previously. I got the feeling that she was expecting me to work miracles with my little brother and suddenly convince him to come round to our way of thinking. I, on the other hand, wasn’t quite so hopeful.
As much as I loved Christopher, I simply didn’t know him at all. Even if I did somehow find the magic combination of words that would win him over, I doubt I’d ever know it. He was notoriously guarded with his feelings and I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to get a straight answer out of him.