Note: This is kind of a two for one deal, A Cabin Excursion and A Home Excursion are included here. A Cabin Excursion is long steady buildup to sex and A Home Excursion is the stream of sex if you just want to read that part. Hope you want to read both parts though.
All characters are over the age of 18.
A Cabin Excursion
Why do I always have to think of her when I masturbate? Why? It doesn’t do me any good, or it does for a bit, and then I go back to my own personal hell, a deeper circle down each time. I know I’m harming myself at this point, I’m just taking the best parts of our relationship, putting them in a blender and throwing the worst parts out. Then I use the fantasy of half-truths, lies, and all around white washing to fuel my masturbation. A fantasy born out of a failed relationship and one that hurts any future liaisons, as no real relationship could hope to match it, but it has me cumming in record speed.
It doesn’t help that there are so many experiences of passionate sex to draw upon (or were to put our relationship in past tense). But boy could we fuck well together. I used to tend to avoid eye contact, but there was one time I lifted myself off her more than usual. I don’t know why I did, maybe it’s because I just knew instinctually that I should see the look on her face. What I saw was a look of pure unadulterated pleasure. Oftentimes, I feel like my sexual urges are a selfish thing on my end, like I would sacrifice connection in favor of getting my rocks off. This look showed me that I didn’t have to worry so much about that, that my sexual desire could be a good thing as fucking her had elevated her state to a whole new level that wouldn’t have been possible without me and my libido.
Yet it was that same look that taunted me. It reminded me of a time when I was using my carnality to service someone I cared about sexually, while servicing myself in the same way in the process. Now I was stuck masturbating myself to nostalgia. Just because me and her broke up didn’t mean my libido stopped. I wish it had, because it meant I had to masturbate to something, and the something that came to mind soonest was the something that would hurt the most after.
I finish, but I can’t sleep. I don’t want that to be the last thing that I think about before I go to bed. I go downstairs, plant myself on the couch and turn the tv on. Any random channel will do. I know this won’t make me tired, bright light in a dark room doesn’t work that way, but I’m haunted. I’m haunted by my past relationship, I’m haunted by my self-loathing for making it worse by thinking about it and I’m haunted by the specter of future relationships or lack thereof, and I can tell you that specter looks mighty menacing.
I hear a rustling from upstairs, I assume it’s my sister Sarah as we’re the only ones in the house right now. I am correct in my assumptions as she’s the one who comes down a little while later. She’s only wearing a t-shirt and panties, a great night outfit but not a great brother sister chatting outfit. Well I’m just wearing t-shirt and boxers too so I guess we’re equal in that regard.
She sits next to me. I don’t acknowledge her. It’s cause I don’t know what to say to her, I’m stuck in my own solipsistic cycle of anguish, self-pleasuring and more anguish. Can’t say there’s any room for her in there. She’d probably have a freak out if I told her what thoughts I was having, those thoughts don’t exactly jive in a brother and sister relationship. So I sit in silence, passing up another chance at contact, even one as little as this, because I can’t go outside myself.
However she rises to the occasion and gets the conversation rolling herself. “Hey,” she says.
“Hey,” I answer back. Maybe could’ve gone into detail on that reply. Follow up questions are always good but you know the whole trapped in a private hell with no room for anyone but me thing doesn’t really allow for those. No matter, once again she succeeds where I have failed.
“What are you watching?” she asks, even though she knows whatever I’m watching is just a crutch.
“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully.
“You just started watching something?”
“I guess I did.”
“… I just wanted to.”
I don’t know how to reply to that. No one wants to hear about my pain, not even me. That’s the reason I’m sitting here just numbing myself to the tube. What do people want to hear about? Probably how interested I am in them by asking them loads of questions about themselves. But once again, trauma is my god and she decrees no interest in others, only interest in my pain.
Yet I can’t just leave the conversation blank, maybe I’ll hint at the pain I’m in. That’s kind of what I’d like to talk about. Hopefully she’ll understand. I know people like the strong man, the man who won’t let anything bring him down, but that’s not who I am. I’m the sad man, but maybe she’ll connect to that. It beats trying to blast my thoughts out. Heck, why don’t I just reference it.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Is all I could muster. Not bad, but not that good either. “I istanbul rus escort hope I didn’t wake you up,” I add quickly after.
“I couldn’t sleep either. Thoughts in my case, what about you?”
“I mean it always comes down to thoughts. That’s why I’m here, so I won’t have to deal with them for a sec.”
“That’s the benefit of TV. You think there are better ways though? What if you didn’t have to escape your thoughts”
“My thoughts aren’t good though,” I sadly reply.
“That’s just what you think. Why don’t you tell me what’s keeping you up and I’ll be the judge of that.”
An invitation to share, just exactly what I wanted. I mean no way in hell am I going to go on my masturbation rant to my sister, but the lovelorn loss of my girlfriend could be good. It’s perfectly fine to talk about that with my sister and she invited me to vent so no way I’d be a burden there.
“I just… ” God, do I miss her? Am I sad that we’re over. “I just feel like…” Spinning my wheels here, though from Sarah’s expression she’s thankfully going to let me take my time. No interruptions from her. So more silence from me, and that’s ok. I have all the time I want.
“I’m scared.” Is what I land on.
“About me and her’s break up.”
“So you’re still not at the saying her name stage?”
“No. Bad sign, huh?”
“I’ve seen worse.”
“Well I just think about all the good times we had together.” Good code phrase for “I jack myself silly thinking about my imagined sex life with her.”
“There’s your mistake right there,” she replies.
“Yeah but there were some good times, and it’s more enjoyable than thinking about what awaits my love life now.”
“You’re a cute guy, I’m sure there are other girls who will be more than willing to give you a chance.”
First time she’s ever called me cute before. “Yeah, but how do I find those girls? I got to wade through some people first, and I don’t want to deal with the rejection either.”
“I think you’re overestimating how much rejection you’re looking at.”
“That’s only something the pursued would say, never the pursuer.”
“That may be true.”
There’s a pause now. Somehow I feel like the responsibility of responding is on my shoulders again. What to say to her? I feel like my thread has gone dry. I do feel a little better for talking, though there’s still some way to go. Why not open the forum to her. There must be a reason why she’s up and about instead of sleeping soundly.
“So what thoughts are keeping you up at night?”
“Believe it or not, and this might make me seem like the biggest hypocrite, but I was just thinking about Sam.”
Ah yes, Sam, her boyfriend of two years. She has much more to eulogize there than I do with she who must not be named. I guess self-pitying is doing for me what self-pity does best, blinding me to the problems of those around me. Enough of that, I want to be here for my sister. She was here for me when she had a comparably larger loss. No more Mr. Selfish, it’s time to make sure she leaves this conversation better than how she started.
“What about him?” I Don’t want to start by saying that must be hard, cause I might make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. Better to zero in on the problem at hand rather than provide all the sympathy she can gouge herself on.
“It’s just… Even though I’m grateful that we broke up, so many doorways are now closed off to me. The talking about feelings, the being close, the… sex.”
Wow she went for it. Didn’t see that one coming. How do I deal with that? Don’t want to think that I’m weirded out with what she just said. Am I weirded out? No, actually I’m not, in fact I feel more empathetic with her than before. As you can tell my thoughts on sex with my ex haven’t been the most beneficial, so there’s a common ground. Chucking all my normal responses out the metaphorical window, I decide to slide into the curve and make my focus on sex.
“So you’re missing sex huh? Well this is definitely going outside the parameters of usual sibling behavior but… I miss sex too.”
She laughs at that this, I chuckle slightly too, more out of relief than any actual humor. I can’t believe I actually said that, even though she really set me up for it. How did I feel about this? Fine perfectly fine. Why not talk about sex with your siblings? I mean, besides… you know. But this was more a sharing of feelings rather than… you know. So I think I might let my anxiety take a nap for now.
“Here’s to sex.” She holds up an imaginary glass. I do too and make a clink sound with my mouth as I mime a toast. We both laugh at this, mine genuine this time.
“Yeah but really, uhh, sex is something I miss. We can stop if you want,” she continues.
“Oh that’s fine as long as you don’t get too graphic with it.” I reply.
“K, it’s just I don’t know how much more to add. It feels good for the most part, I’m biologically programmed to want it and… intimacy comes with it.”
“Yeah the intimacy,” I say in a knee jerk commiseration.
“And kadıköy escort I really like the after part, where you’ve both calmed down and can take
the moment to really appreciate the other. You’ve both just done the most intimate thing you can do to another person, and the clothing situation… well. I mean it depends on what exactly came before but for me, the best sexual encounters end with clothing zilch.”
“Yeah,” I say, a little nervously. My anxiety’s starting to wake up again. Don’t know where this is going or how I should deal with it. Got to get my flight repsonse ready.
I turn around to the TV briefly, the thing that brought me down here in the first place. Like that will do any good. Escapism isn’t what I should be after, I got a genuine tether to life sitting right next to me. I should hold on, nothing she says has any bearing on me. The choice to be there for her or not is what the true reflection of myself will be. I tell my anxiety to keep calm for now and turn back to Sarah.
“I just miss being naked with a person. I just miss that innate feeling of acceptance you feel when you stand before someone completely nude. It’s a shame you only get to experience it mostly after having sex with someone.”
All right, comfort zone has gone completely bye bye. I’m free falling here, my sister is no longer a tether to life, or at least life as I recognized it. Instead she’s just dropping new concept on me, a sexual concept that is. Or was it really? Did sex actually play into nudity. Fuck man, can’t wrap my head around this one, especially considering the source.
“… Any chance you want to get naked with me?”
Dumbstruck. Literally dumbstruck. Can’t know what to do cause my anxiety has leapt up to its feet and has taken control of the situation, and what it’s telling me to do is… Stay still and do nothing. God anxiety, what a bad captain you’ve turned out to be. I feel sweat start to perspire. Anxiety morphs into panic, leaving me blind to what decision I will make. I need to say something but what?
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she says.
“No no it’s ok.” Well that came fairly natural. Seems I’m ok with her being open, that’s good to know. Don’t know what else to feel about anything else though. Would I want to take her up on this? I mean I’ve enjoyed being naked after sex but my focus was still on the orgasm I just had. I’ve never thought about nudity without sex though. My body’s just been my body, should that change?
So what do I want? I don’t know. I do my best to remove panic from the equation and think clearly. Two choices, get naked with my sister or not. Trying to weigh them, not sure what the weights are. Could I fuck up my relationship with my sister if I strip or not? Maybe it’s the other way around. Let me think about me for a second, which path would I want to go down.
“Is everything ok?” She asks.
“Yeah, it’s just…” I desperately try to find the next words to that sentence. Come on, anything. “… I don’t know if I want to or not.”
“You don’t know?” She asks incredulously.
“Yeah, the only thing that would tip it to staying clothed would be worrying about getting an erection.”
“Well, I’ve seen erections before.”
“Well, it’s 50-50 now.”
“Would it help if I got naked and then you could decide?”
There’s an offer I can think much more clearly about. I can go down the road of seeing my sister naked or not. Putting outside factors into it, she does seem to want to get naked, and I do have a bit of curiosity of what she looks like.
“I’m not going to judge you,” she tells me.
That’s a relief. I take a deep breath and even though I know what I’m going to say, I give myself a little moment where I can change my mind. I don’t. “If you want to get naked, go ahead,” I tell her back.
She smiles. Immediately both hands go to the bottom of her shirt. She lifts it up in one fell swoop, revealing she wasn’t wearing a bra. I’m staring at my sister’s boobs. I like boobs, I like my sister, shouldn’t I like my sister’s boobs? It takes me a little bit of time before I decide that yes, I like looking at my sister’s boobs.
Finally she lifts up her shirt over her head, drops it to the ground, and reaches for her panties. She pushes her panties down to her knees and lets gravity do the rest. She steps out of them one foot at a time and stands before me fully nude, like the pictures of girls I have masturbated to. What makes her different from the rest now?
“… You like this?” I tentatively ask.
“Yeah, I do,” she replies.
“… You want to join me?” she asks.
I think. “Sure,” I reply.
I’m not sure what makes me say that. I have theories. I am grateful to her and am trying to gratify her. I want to have a more open relationship with my body too. I want to have a more open relationship with my sister, one in which we can accept each other’s bodies. Whatever mix of the above reasons it is, I’ve made up my mind. I kartal escort take off my shirt and then my boxers. I stand before her completely naked.
We stare at each other in silence, we take in each other’s bodies. I feel my penis begin fill in a little with blood, not enough to get it actually hard though. it’s at times like these that I realize how little control of my dick I actually have.
After a moment, she sits down. I follow her lead. “so…” she asks.
“How does it feel?”
“Really? That’s it?”
“That’s all I got for now.”
“Well let’s give it some time for now, maybe you’ll have a more nuanced opinion later.”
I’ll give her that. Back to staring in silence, don’t know if it’s because of awkwardness or just because we’re having trouble trying to translate our feelings.
“TV’s still on,” I say to bide us some time.
“Ah, yes it is,” she says in simplistic response. “Want to turn it off?”
“Sure,” I don’t need it to numb me anymore. In fact I’m pretty sure it can’t possibly numb this.
I turn it off. The downstairs is dark now, but I can still make her out and I’m sure she can me.
“So,” I say.
“So,” I hear back.
“… What should we talk about?”
“Well there’s still one obvious topic of discussion.”
“Yeah but I still don’t have that much to add to that topic. It’s still so new.”
“I like it. I know it’s a challenge to calm your nerves while naked, but I like that challenge. Because what you get once you complete it is a better sense of comfort in your body. It’s not something you have to hide, it’s now something you can share with those closest with you, and as you can tell, it doesn’t have to be completely about sex.”
“Yeah, well I’m having trouble with that last one, my penis is trying to get pretty hard right now.”
“Then let it just relax. Let it get hard. You don’t have to have sex with every hard on you get. Hell, you don’t even have to masturbate with every hard on either.”
I take her words to heart and stop worrying about getting an erection. Pretty soon my dick is filling up to maximum capacity, and you know what? I don’t care. I guess my sister’s mumbo jumbo about getting comfortable with her my body was finding its place in my brain.
“You actually got a hard on?” she asks inquisitively.
“Wow, can I see?”
“What? Why would you want to see?”
“Curiosity, now stand up.”
Demurely I stand up.
“Wow, that’s a cool hard on!” She exclaims.
“Really?” I ask. “Is it that big?”
“… Eh, I mean it’s not not big. I’m not much of a size girl, but I would say I think it’s a good size. It’s not too big and it’s not too small. You got a good thing going on there.”
“Thanks, I mean you’re never going to know for sure, but thanks.”
She laughs at this, before asking “Hey Arnold?”
“You know how I was planning on taking a trip to the cabin with Carolyn and Nancy?”
“Would you like to come?”
“What?” I exclaimed. “Why would you want me to come with you on a girl’s trip?”
“Because I want you to help me get Carolyn naked.”
“What? Why do you want to get Carolyn naked? You bi? And what about Nancy?”
“Oh Nancy’s easy, I’ve already gotten naked with her. She’s a complete convert. And not bi, just want to get naked with Carolyn”
“What you’re a full blown nudist now?”
“Just an excursion one, not a lifestyle one, and believe me I love excursions.”
“Why can’t you and Nancy just convince her to live the bare life with you?”
“I suppose we could, but I think it would help to have a male figure accept her body. She’s so hard on herself, especially when it comes to how men see her. I think you being there could give her self-esteem the boost it needs. And I want to feel that same feeling of acceptance that I’m getting from you from her, both in regards to my body and hers. Plus you being there fully nude might impress Nancy enough to get with you.”
“Really, you’re talking about me getting with your friends and that doesn’t make you awkward?”
“Of course not, why would it? Nancy likes sex and I can think of worse people she could have it with then you.”
“Well that’s technically a compliment. Though I wouldn’t say it warms my heart.”
“And there’s one thing we can do to make sure you’re even more comfortable.”
“Sleep with me.”
“… That came out wrong, what I meant is just sleep with me in a very literal sense. I mean still naked, but none of the implications. You can just get used to your body against mine. Plus it will make sure you’re not thinking about your unspeakable ex.”
“Guess that would be a benefit. Fuck it, this no way this makes my night stranger. I’m down.”
So I follow my naked sister up the stairs, and I can tell you if I didn’t have an erection already then following her ass would’ve given me one in spades. We finally get to her room and immediately get under her covers. We’ve had enough conversing for one night. Still, I can feel her body against mine, meaning all hope of my erection dwindling on its own was lost, and I wasn’t about to rub it out. But still, at least the sound of my sister’s breathing distracts me from thinking about my ex. That’s a good tradeoff for an ungainly boner.